1 Kings 19: 1-18
Depression. It's a shared human experience, even for a Prophet of God. He, like us, was not immune to its grasp. This is a poignant part of our shared history in the Bible, a testament to how God's compassion And renewal extend to all, even in our darkest times. Today, we’re going to delve into these dark times. We all face depression at some point, whether it’s a severe bout or just the 'winter blues'. Remember, you’re never alone in this!
Elijah had just had a major “mountaintop” experience. He had seen God’s glory show up to the Israelite people through the miracle on Mount Carmel. He annihilated all the false prophets, being obedient to the one true God.
King Ahab, in a fit of rage, relays the events of Mt. Carmel to his furious Queen. She is livid, her anger palpable. She has lost her prophets, her idol worshipers. She dispatches a messenger to deliver her wrathful response to Elijah.
“May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow, I do not make your life like that of one of them.” 1 Kings 19: 2 (NIV)
Elijah is scared.
All of a sudden, he sees everything around him with his eyes.
He knows the evil deeds Jezebel has done. A little voice whispers to him that he is next! He runs for his life, leaving his servant in Beersheba and continuing far into the wilderness. (vs. 3-4)
When he has lost all his energy, when his tank is empty, he finally stops next to a bush and just says out loud,
“I have had enough, Lord, Take my life. I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. 1 Kings 19: 4-5 (NIV)
You can easily see between the lines that Elijah is battling a mental battle. Depression has set in. Fatigue beyond the physical has seeped into the very core of every fiber of the mind until he can’t function at all, and all he wants to do is curl up into a ball and die. God could have chosen to do a few things during this time to Elijah. He could have yelled at him, shouting. “GET UP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? THIS ISN’T HOW YOU SHOULD BE! YOU ARE A PROPHET!” But he didn’t. God could have let him be alone and get over it alone. Or He could have challenged Elijah to figure out the next steps on his own, but he didn’t do that either. Instead, God did three very specific things. First, God ministered to him through food and rest. He sent an angel to him.
All at once, an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights (without food) until he reached Horeb (another name for Mt. Sinai) , the mountain of God. There, he went into a cave and spent the night.
1 Kings 19: 5-9 (NIV)
Secondly, God speaks directly to him, gently asking him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?“ (vs 9.) Elijah replied,
“I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then, a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
1 Kings 19: 10-13 (NIV)
Whoa. I don’t know about you, but if I were standing in Elijah’s place, I would have been speechless. The only thing I can even remotely think of that could ever come close to picturing what the image of the scene would look like is something out of Star Wars of the supernatural, earth-shaking, wind-moving around you, yet Elijah wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t speechless. He was terrified. God shows His power, might, and glory, yet Elijah simply repeats the words. He made his complaint known! He was upset. He was stuck in his head. He was stuck on himself. It was a raw deal. He was concerned. Elijah did the job he had been called to do, and the Israelites didn’t listen, and now they all want to kill him, too. It’s interesting to think, was Elijah defending himself here? Was he playing the “poor me” game? Was he saying to God that He had failed because the people had not changed?
I know when I have had bouts of depression, the last thing I need is someone to preach to me and tell me all the things I’m doing wrong. I also know I can get pretty dark and “poor me” at the same time… I think God knew this for Elijah. Instead, He listens to Elijah. He lets Elijah rant and talk. Sometimes, all we just need is someone to listen to us. We just need to get it all “off our chest” with someone trustworthy, and God is the perfect person for that. God doesn’t respond to anything Elijah has said about his “raw deal.” Instead, he goes on to the last point.
Lastly, God doesn’t argue with him. He gives him a new journey. He gives him a job. A distraction. A new purpose. That is precisely what Elijah needs. He needed to get his eyes off the situation and himself.
The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazel, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel- all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”
1 Kings 19: 15-18 (NIV)
During this calling, God gave Elijah a whole new purpose. To anoint new kings who would proceed and take over the future thrones. These kings would change the course of Israel, and God had a remnant left that had not worshiped the idols. He made the point to address Elijah’s concerns about Israel’s coming back to God. They would…eventually. Elijah’s new purpose would be anointing these new kings and a new prophet- Elisha. Elisha would be his mentee. His new purpose would be to mentor, train, and disciple. What a wonderful way to get one’s eyes off himself and on others.
Battling My Mind and Body
The Highs and Lows of Chronic Illness
I was called “sickly” as a kid. I was not in the hospital, just not healthy. I dealt with an anxiety disorder that came out in stomach pain, and I missed a lot of first grade, I remember. As I grew into adulthood and had children, the sicknesses compiled into complicated auto-immune diseases and other terminologies that most people don’t even understand. 2014, I became very ill on a Missions Trip, doing something for God. I developed Lyme Disease markers and severe inflammation, putting on a ton of weight quickly. It took until 2021, being my advocate and seeing a specialist, that I researched and found myself when I discovered what I suspected to be the “root” genetically of all my health problems. Sure enough. When it was a positive conclusive result, I cried.
By 2017, I had to quit working in Interior Design, something I really loved doing, because the stress was too much on my body. Stress turned into pain. Pain turned into depression. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed, and if I could, I was back in bed by noon, so exhausted and the pain too much. I was gaslighted by doctors, co-workers, and even friends and family. “It was all in my head.” Often, people would say words that hurt even though they meant well. No number of self-help books or “positive vibes only” memes could cure what I was dealing with. I needed a miracle.
Now you can imagine how much that culminating event became a catalyst for bitterness and a spiral that would deepen into a chasm that stretched into my “dark ages” with God. I reached a point in 2019 during the “dark ages” when I was ready, like Elijah, to end it all. I just wanted to die. I had enough of this life. I cried out to God, like Elijah. How could God allow an event, a mission trip, which was supposed to be a calling to help people but ultimately caused me to hurt so terribly? It was a question I had to work through for a long time as I wandered through my wilderness. This journey hasn’t been in vain. It has blessed me in so many ways. Weird, maybe, but true. It took me a long time to process and hear God speak his answer back. There are so many who struggle with chronic pain and illness in the world. For me, it has been an extremely long journey of highs and lows with chronic illness.
I am not alone.
I have been able to help many others as I share my journey in depth. It is my purpose that He has given me; I needed only to heal and be obedient to the calling….
I can tell you that I am so thankful for the incredible doctors I have found who listen. I am so grateful for the support team I have of the family that finally understands the extent of our genetic condition. I am so grateful for friends who inspire me to get out and have fun! I am incredibly fortunate to financially afford the medical care that I can receive with the medications and supplements I have found that help me function so well!
I still have terrible days. I still have lows. On those days, I’m really quiet. I put on a sad movie. An “Old Yeller” type of movie (that made me cry as a kid every time I watched it!) A good cry usually helps. Then what else helps me when it’s a low day? Especially if it’s pain-driven- Epsom salt baths, soft, cozy pajama pants and comfy blankets, socks, and doing nothing. That’s right. Cancelling plans. It’s okay to have bad days. As the saying goes,
“It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay that way.”
I know the next day will be better. It’s usually food or lack of sleep that is the culprit. Sleep is a must!!! Just like Elijah.
We all need rest.
Our verse for today comes from Isaiah 26: 3-4
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
I love this!!! I also cry out to God on my bad pain days. I want to remain steadfast. I know the pain is only for a “season.” I know “joy comes in the morning.” I know I will have a new body someday, and it will be glorious!!! I’m so excited for that day! So I dwell on that when my pain is severe, as the tears flow from my eyes. I just focus on the Rock of my salvation, for I know my “light and momentary troubles are storing up for me a crown,” which is eternal. This keeps me steadfast through the highs and lows.